logo.png

BL101 Search

Recent Blogs

mental-illness-people.png

BipolarLife 101 Blogs

Interested in placing your blog on BipolarLife 101? Send us info about your blog and website
(if applicable).
CONTACT BipolarLife 101
BipolarLife101 Mental Health Blogs

Mental Health Blog by Ryan S.

Living life with a mental illness, however I get out of bed every morning and fight; I may not win every day, but I fight. I love helping others who battle mental illness along with family and friends who struggle to comprehend mental illness. I enjoy speaking to one or thousands of people using my own unique speaking method that provides an easy to understand look at mental health along with a bit of fun.

Recovery From Addictions, Part 4

In Part 1 of this series of articles, I defined substance and process addictions, and described the four major false beliefs that underlie most addictions:

1. I can’t handle my pain.
2. I am unworthy and unlovable.
3. Others are my source of love.
4. I can have control over how others feel about me and treat me.

Part 2 was about the first of these beliefs – learning how to handle pain. Part 3 addressed the second and third beliefs – “I am unworthy and unlovable” and “Others are my source of love.” This section, Part 4, explores the fourth belief, “I can have control over how others feel about me and treat me.”

If I had to choose one false belief that causes the most pain for most people, it would be the belief that we can control how important people in our lives feel, think and behave.

In my work with individuals and couples dealing with addictive behavior, I encounter this belief and the many ramifications of it over and over. It seems very difficult for most people to accept the truth about their lack of control over others. The pain, frustration, loneliness and aloneness that result from not accepting your lack of control may be the underlying cause of your addictions.

Take a moment right now to reflect about what you think and do that is a direct result of this belief.

• Do you judge/shame yourself to try to get yourself to act “right” so that others will like you? If you do, you are operating from the false belief that you can control how others feel about you by how you act. You are also operating from the false belief that self-judgment will work to control your own behavior. Judging and shaming yourself can lead to addictive behavior to avoid the resulting pain.

• Do you act “loving” to others with the hope that others will act loving to you? If you do, you are operating from the false belief that your behavior controls others’ behavior. It is wonderful to be loving to others because you feel good when you are loving, but when you have an agenda attached of being loved back, then your “loving” is manipulative – you are giving to get. The hurt you feel when others don’t love you back can lead to addictive behavior.

• Do you get angry, judgmental and critical of others? If you do, then you are operating from the false belief that anger and judgment will have control over how others feel about you and treat you. You can certainly intimidate others into complying with your demands as long as they are willing to do so, but you cannot control how they feel about you. And they will comply only as long as they do. At some point they might leave, so ultimately you have no control over them. Your resulting stress may lead to addictive behavior.

• Do you give yourself up, going along with what another wants of you, such as making love when you don’t want to, or spending time in ways that you don’t want to? If you do, then you are operating from the false belief that giving yourself up will have control over how another feels about you and treats you. A loss of a sense of self can lead to addictive behavior.

• Do you withdraw from another or resist another’s requests? If you do, you are operating from the false belief that you can change/control another’s behavior toward you by punishing them through withholding love. The deadness of withdrawal can lead to addictive behavior.

In important relationships, most people do some or all of the above behaviors, resulting from the false belief that you can control how others feel, think and act.

If you really accepted the truth of your lack of control over others, what would you do differently? If you deeply, totally, completely accepted the truth of your lack of control over others feelings and behavior, you would be left with what you CAN control – yourself.

I have seen over and over that people finally take loving care of themselves only when they fully accept the truth of their lack of control over others. It is truly amazing the rapid progress the people I work with make when they finally accept this truth.

Shifting out of this one false belief and into the truth will go a long way toward healing your addictions.

Reference: ZIP Articles

Recovery From Addictions, Part 5
Recovery From Addictions, Part 3

Related Posts

 

Comments

No comments made yet. Be the first to submit a comment
Already Registered? Login Here
Guest
Saturday, 25 May 2019
If you'd like to register, please fill in the username, password and name fields.

BipolarLife101 Latest Blogs

Ryan S
30 December 2018
Manic depression effects or Bipolar depression is actually considered as one of the worst type of d...
Ryan S
21 December 2018
Studies have shown that about 20 million Americans receive some form of depression treatment on an ...
Ryan S
17 December 2018
If you have depression, or at least you think you have one, you must realize that you should not di...

Latest Articles

30 October 2018
04 July 2018
04 July 2018
05 December 2017
05 December 2017
29 November 2017
29 November 2017
29 November 2017

BipolarLife101 Twitter

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline (USA) 1-800-273-TALK (8255) 24 hrs a day

Mental Illness Blogs and Articles | Mental Health Blogs and Articles | Bipolar Blog | Severe Depression | Autism Blogs | PTSD | Anxiety Disorder | Schizophrenia Blogs
Mental Health Support Blogs for Family and Friends | Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) | BipolarLife101 Blogs

Search